Posted on May 25, 2013
I’m a leaper. For better or worse (often for worse), I trust my instincts completely, and when my gut say leap, there I am–groundless, in love with whatever it is I’ve given myself over to in that moment, and on my way to quickly and indelibly finding out if that thing loves me back.
There are times when I’ve felt ashamed of this. When I’ve made terrible choices that have hurt me, come to conclusions that perhaps I would not have made if walking or crawling instead of leaping. I’ve envied the slow deciders. The cautious and careful. The reasonable. Surely, they didn’t get up on stage to sing and screw it all up. Or take the wrong job. Or marry the wrong guy and end up alone with a two year old. Surely, they don’t follow their intuition all over creation just to land back home where they started. The slow movers must certainly arrive somewhere significant and well planned, mustn’t they?
In the last few months, I’ve taken a new position on my leaping tendencies. I’ve decided to accept that this is the way I am. It doesn’t really matter where the slow movers net out, because this is not my speed and it’s not the way I’m going to move through life, no matter how much I might appreciate its advantages.
For better or for worse, my passions are huge, my movements are often big, and I trust this way of being because it is my most natural way. My job, as a leaper, is to also accept that risks are, well, risky. The net may or may not appear when I am in full-throttle forward. I could beat myself up about the fact that I’m free-falling in unknown territory, or I can do what I can to cultivate my landing skills.
For me, the mandatory landing skills are: gratitude, forgiveness, reckoning, and recommitment. Freedom is my primary value, and courage is the transportation of my choosing. If I am willing to make mistakes, get hurt, look stupid, disappoint myself and others, I will be liberated to love and give and aspire and try and fail.
The older I get, the more I wonder if the net is even the right thing to be wishing for. When we are moving at the speed that is most true for us, we will live into the opportunities and learn the lessons that are most aligned with who we are. Every landing is the one that we needed, no matter how clumsy or difficult or ecstatic it might be.